Perseverance

Have you ever worked on something for so long you started to believe you’d never finish it? Or had a goal that seemed so out of reach you almost gave up?

I have. It’s been so hard. Suffice to say it was a huge challenge to be focused enough to be productive. And you know what happens—When you have less focus, the longer the task takes. The longer it takes, the less you want to keep going.

I wanted to quit. In fact, I almost walked away. Then I remembered my goal and why I wanted to accomplish it. I started again.

I made a reasonable timeline, and didn’t give up.

I finished. Oh. One more thing.

Ta daaaa!

Love is all we need…And books, of course.

In celebration of Pride Month, here is a selection of books, many with LGBT themes and/or protagonists. Let's let June 2023 be a reminder that we all deserve affirmation and the right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. Love, afterall, is love, isn't it?

The Business of Writing

I’ve been a writer for a long time. It started with journaling, then publishing and writing for a free, underground fanfic newsletter called Hot Chocolate. For me, writing has always been a necessary joy. Stories roll around in my head all the time and sometimes, they consume me. The result? House of the Rising Son, After Midnight, and the soon to be released, Waiting for the Son, and every short story I’ve ever written.

In looking to have House published, I discovered an unfortunate truth: Writing is a business.

Of course, I knew selling was part of it. I didn’t know the first of that selling was selling the story to a publisher. Most people think that publishers do everything. They sure do a lot, but most publishers don’t help much with marketing. But for a writer, marketing is Job #: Planning, Promotion, Social Media, and more.1. I had a lot of learning to do. At this point, I spend 5-10 hours a week on one marketing activity or another. I’m getting pretty good at some of them. Still don’t like marketing much.

I’m currently planning the launch of my 3rd novel, Waiting for the Son. I’m also working on a new short story, plotting the next book in the Living After Midnight series, and plotting another series. It’s too early to say to much about it except that the working title is Six +1. Look for it in the next year!

Onward. I have a launch to organize.

I Found Them When I Needed Them.

Music has always been an important part of my life. It lifts me up when I am sad, makes me think about life, and entertains me endlessly. For many years, Prince fueled my music obsession. If you want to know why and are new to L.A.M.,I talk about it here. It Was Always Love.

When he died in 2016, I was lost. For many years after that, I couldn’t bring myself to listen to any music at all. The world, formerly filled with vibrant colors, looked and felt gray. Then one day, years later, I was watching television and a cell phone commercial came on. Seven guys with multi-colored hair were singing and dancing. Honestly, their look first attracted me. Each one had a different type of handsome. Actually, I’d say beautiful.

But something about their voices and the way they moved hooked me.

It didn’t take much research to find out who they were: The K-pop phenom, BTS. Bangtan Sonyeondan. The more I listen to them, the further down the rabbit hole I went. It was crazy! Unlike the song I first heard them sing in the commercial, most of their songs are in Korean. But it doesn’t matter. Their lyrics are powerful. Their voices fill me with so much joy. Their melodies move me. They write and produce manyof their songs.

And those guys can dance.

If you’re thinking KPop is just for kids, give this group a listen. If you think KPop idols are just kids themselves, check them out. For now, BTS is on a long-term hiatus, taking off a few years to complete their mandatory military service. Although they aren’t performing as a group, each member is going his own way as they await their enlistment dates. They’re making solo albums, modeling, and becoming high-visibility brand ambassadors for upscale clothing and jewelry. No reason to miss them yet.

It was time for a break, I suppose. They’ve been in the music business since 2013. In some ways, I’m sorry I wasn’t following them back then, but the word among fans is that you find BTS when you need them the most. Today, just as I was one of Prince’s hardcore fans, I am now a certified Army—the name for BTS’s most dedicated fans. It amazes me still that like Prince, BTS— Jin, Suga, J-Hope, RM, Jimin, V, and Jungkook—saved me.

Desperately Seeking Cookies

I know, I know. Today is Mother’s Day. It’s a hard day for me for many reasons. So to distract myself, I’ve made a big batch of chocolate chip cookies.

I’ve made the same Tollhouse chocolate chip cookies for longer than I want to admit. In all that time, I can tell you they taste delicious but don’t usually look the way they do in cookbooks or on recipe pages. They’re flat, soft (I like that part), and in all versions of imperfect ovals.

I’m looking for as close to a foolproof recipe as is possible. Nothing that requires rolling—I’m not a fan. But definitely the recipe that you find produces the BEST cookies in terms of taste, texture, and appearance.

I hope someone rises to the challenge.

It Was Always Love

This is a slightly modified version of a postI wrote as I processed Prince’s sudden death in 2016. There is still a hole in my heart. I miss sharing the planet with him. Reposting is a part of how I honor him today.

💕💕

I'm a writer. There has always been something cathartic in telling a story. So in the midst of incredible sadness I am sharing my story with you.

My partner says that she went to the movies with a friend one day to see whatever show happened to be playing and ended up seeing Purple Rain, a movie that changed her forever. From that moment on she was obsessed--still is--and thanks Prince for much of the joy she's had in her life.

My path was not as direct. He had to touch my life three times before I paid attention.

1979

Thank you for a funky time, call me  up...

On my way to high school driving the first of two cars given to me by my father, the song I Wanna Be Your Lover came on. The music was okay, but the lyrics made my head spin. Chock full of double entendres (I wanna be the only one to make you come...running), I couldn't get it out of my head for days. But trying to balance my perfectionist compulsion with wanting to fit in with my peers had turned high school into a three year long hurricane for me. I had a hard enough time holding on to my shit--I couldn't add one more thing to my burden.

1984

Somebody please tell me what the hell is wrong

The second time I became aware of Prince was when Purple Rain came out. I was newly married and in an unfamiliar place with no friends. I don't have memory of going to or being in the theater (my memory often fails me when it comes to very emotional moments), but I remember  buying a beta max copy of the movie as soon as it came out. I coveted that short, fat rectangular box (I still have it), but for reasons I can't explain, I never watched it. Not once.

The third time, as they say, was the charm.

1987

In my darkest hour, you can be my bliss

Given an opportunity I couldn’t refuse, I took a job two hours away from my home and my husband. My mom’s home was closer, and she graciously let me stay with her. I had a great time. I loved my job, had some cool adventures with my mom (like driving 45 minutes to buy a pizza that boasted cheese UNDER the sauce, not over it), and spent time with my sister and brother and their families. Moreover, every other weekend I honeymooned with my husband. Life moved along pretty smoothly.

Except at night. I started having nightmares. At first they came infrequently, and I barely remembered them. As time went on they grew more frequent and more horrifying. Eventually I had bad dreams every night. There seemed to be two themes--black roses and elevators. Black rose dreams woke me up crying. Elevator dreams were worse.

I know now that I was reliving sexual abuse I'd experienced as a child. I was in the same room, largely unchanged--the purple walls I'd begged for, music and my academic awards (evidence of my hypervigilent perfection), and the bed. The bed.

Any time I was alone with my thoughts they drifted to dying. What death would feel like. All the years of my nephews and nieces lives that I'd miss. Pieces of my nightmares started to come to me during the day. I searched continually for distractions, trying to save myself. One day I saw an ad in the newspaper about an upcoming Prince concert. Suddenly, I remembered his movie and that song, and how they made me feel. I needed to feel that again, to go to his show, but I was afraid to go alone. My sister told me her husband was a big fan (her, not so much) and that he'd probably go with me if I had my heart set. I did. He did.

October 1988

Do you want him, or do you want me?

We had tickets in the Nosebleed Section because we'd gotten them so late, but it didn't matter. The entire arena was filled by the presence of the little, ethereally beautiful man on the stage. I was captivated--couldn't take my eyes off him. But the music transformed me. He sang of love and sensuality and peace and God and sex. His voice resonated, reverberated throughout my body. I sometimes make a joke, saying if he'd asked me that night for all of my worldly possessions I would have given them to him.

Except it was the truth.

The next day I went to every record store I could find and bought every tape Prince had ever released. I drove around for hours listening to his music. He didn't become "the soundtrack of my life". He became my reason to keep living.

1991

I want to jump for joy and thank him I'm not alone

I'd gotten a bigger and better job and moved back upstate with my husband. While stalking a record store (my new hobby), I came across Prince's official fan magazine, Controversy. Not only was it heaven on the page with big, color, never before seen pictures of him, but it had a pen pal section. Suddenly, I wasn't alone. I'd found my tribe--men and women who experienced Prince the way I did.  Many of them are still my good friends. People who understand me and love me anyway. Miraculously, I also connected with the person who would become my partner. I like to say Prince gave her to me.

Present day

Can't begin to understand how I feel about you, everything I want to do I can't do without you

I've seen Prince in concert over one hundred times. I have every song he's released, and sometimes multiple versions thereof. My partner and I celebrate his milestones--birthday, album releases, awards, performances. Our annual Super Bowl parties celebrate his 2007 award-winning appearance. Many of these dates are commemorated with concerts that hold special meaning. There is not one room in our home in which he's not evident, either in fact or by influence.

My life is filled with good friends who I connect with over songs and youtube clips, through marriages and divorce, through children and grandchildren, over the mountains that life put in front of our best efforts and under the bridges that we fell from. When we're happy, we listen to his music and watch his movies. When we're sad, we do the same. Since his passing, we cling to each other and assure ourselves we'll get through this, and that we'll find joy again. To a point, we all have.

My friends and I asked questions of ourselves and each other. Where would we go from  here? Who would we be, if not Prince Fans? How would it feel to not look forward to his next album, the next concert, the next TV appearance?

Over the past long years, some of those questions have been answered. We’re still fans, and still mourning our loss of a man who remains so important to us. His estate has begun to release his music, some that we already have and some new to even us. We’re also seeing previously unseen concert performances. Bittersweet gifts. But nothing compares to having him here.

A poster in my bedroom.

His music is an indelible part of me. It's in my very core, infused in my cells. His songs remain in the background of everything. My experiences with him and because of him live on.

  • Getting his autograph in NYC and almost fainting because I thought he'd levitated, a tiny angel dressed in white.

  • Nearly being "rear-ended" by him in MPLS because he was driving too fast and we were going too slow.

  • Hearing gunshot and fearing for our lives as we left Glam Slam, his former nightclub.

  • Flying to England for concerts and spending a sleepless night at the only after show I ever attended.

  • Going to his store in MPLS so many times the manager told his staff "Play whatever videos they want to see".

  • Grieving with him, from a distance, when he lost his child.

  • Meeting pen pals. (I LOVE AND AM GRATEFUL FOR EACH OF YOU.)

  • Standing outside at 2am in line for a show, with some of the craziest and friendliest people I've ever met.

  • Feeling time stand still when he died, and then watching the world turn purple.

Even as I think about it now, my eyes well with tears. City monuments, bridges, buildings were illuminated in purple lights. The Weather Channel App showed an illustrated picture of the sky with purple raindrops. All in tribute to him. I’d never seen anything like it before or since.

Never say the words "They're gone"

The world is off of its axis. I miss him every day. My heart aches, and in quiet moments it's hard to breathe. I still can’t watch the tributes. I can't even listen to more than a couple of his songs or watch a whole video at one time without sinking into overwhelming sadness.
I wish I could tell him a few things:

Dearest Prince,

I am ever grateful for the beautiful ways you've touched my life and the many ways you saved me. Thank you for the people that are in my Purple Tribe because of you, supporting each other to get through this thing called life.

I hope you find, in this part of your journey, the peace that eluded you in your time on earth. I am ever blessed to have shared the planet with you.  

I know to some this is insanity, but it is my Truth:

It was always love.


Bloom if You Want to.

Today, for no particular reason other than it wanted to, my Christmas cactus is blooming.

Just a month or two ago, we thought we’d lost it. It didn’t bloom at all last year. We thought we killed it when we repotted it last summer. I was heartbroken. It was a present from my sister years ago. She died in 2018, but her heart is here in the flowers she’s given us.

So, it blooms again. Actually it’s thriving. We’ve always said we had an empowerment garden— Our flowers grow if they want to.

National Pet Day

Left to right: Fergus, Molly, Toby, and Chloe. My babies.

These are the puppies I've had the honor of loving. From left to right are Fergus (the smartest puppy, ever), Molly (as you can see, the silliest puppy), Toby (aka Little Man, the most highly strung puppy), and Chloe (Queen of the house, bossiest puppy). Toby is still with me. The other three are playing together across the Rainbow Bridge.

Today is National Pet Day. What would life be without our pets? A little lonelier? A bit dull? Less fun? 

All of the above. Our pets help us relax and take us away from the everyday grind. They make us smile and laugh and yes, sometimes cry because we love them so much.

Come to think of it, so do books. Lots below to check out. 

Please give your pet a little extra TLC today. 

Concerts in the Age of Covid

The last concert I attended pre-Covid was Richard Marx. It was great fun. Not only is he a talented singer/songwriter but he is funny and engaging.

I had no idea that would be my last, in-person show.

During Covid, musicians suffered. Touring is a major income stream for both bands and soloists. Responses to not being able to tour varied. Innovative performers found ways to perform. Online concerts were big deals. Some were free to keep fans engaged. Individuals frequently used social media to play for their fans in a more intimate way.

A few adventurous bands performed while they and their audiences were in bubbles, actual physical barriers against the virus. Don’t believe me? Check this out:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/flaming-lips-concert-perform-inflatable-bubbles-oklahoma/

In the aftermath, many things are changing. People are back to work. Restaurants are busy again. Movie theaters have opened. Concerts are back, too. Big and small, indoor and outdoor venues fill to capacity (sometimes at extreme costs).

But as much as I love in-person concerts, they go on without me. I have not forgotten the devastation of Covid. The millions of people it killed—some of whom were my friends. I can’t forget how it’s spread—through the air primarily. To be at a venue surrounded by a crowd of unmasked people cheering and singing is a risk I’m not willing to take.

I just can’t forget. How can anyone?

Guest Author: Shiela Stewart, Paranormal Suspense Author

Hi all! Please join me in welcoming Shiela Stewart!


Sometimes I think I was born to scare and be scared. Might be because the first horror movie I ever saw I was I think 5. It involved a woman wielding an axe and killing people. I snuck downstairs to see what my parents were watching. I was caught and put to bed. Or it could be my brothers who like to scare me with glow-in-the-dark skulls in my closet or lying in wait under my bed and grabbing my feet, scaring the crap out of me. I rarely had nightmares. What it did was encourage me to write scary stuff. Vampires, demons, witches, shifters and ghosts. Spirits are my favorite, having lived in a haunted house. The first story I wrote was called Too young Too Evil, about a teenage girl conjuring up a spirit to help her stop bullies and her brother who always made fun of her. I was 15.  

But back to ghosts. I’ve always been fascinated with life after death. Do we just become a void, not existing at all, or can our spirit, part of our soul, still linger, not able to cross over? No one can be certain. But it is fun to write about. Secrets of the Dead, book 1 in the Lost Souls series is about two ghosts, one good and one evil and two people locked in with them.

I love writing about haunted houses. As I said above, I lived in a haunted house as a child. The spirit of an elderly woman who died in the house still walked around like she was still alive. The house I live in now has a mischievous elderly gentleman who likes to play tricks. Occasionally a ball will roll across the room. He whispered my husband's name when he was the only one in the house. He also has a habit of leaving the toilet seat up, when I’ve home alone. I know, weird right! We also see him walk down the hallway and once, my daughter and I caught a glimpse of him sitting on the sofa. So now you can see why I am fascinated with ghosts.

I would love to hear from the readers, so leave a comment to win a copy of Secrets of the Dead. One lucky commenter will win.

Here’s a glimpse of Book 1 in the Lost Souls series.

Secrets of the Dead.

Blurb: Jessica Coltrane is a die-hard sceptic who believes that ghosts and paranormal activity are nothing more than a figment of an overactive imagination. That is until she finds herself locked inside a haunted house with the enigmatic paranormal investigator C.J. Dowling.

Born with the ability to see and speak to the dead, C.J. Dowling thought investigating a haunted house would be a job like many others. He’s prepared for anything—except smart and sexy Jessica.

Working together in close quarters, C.J. and Jessica discover it isn’t only negative tension between the two, but sexual as well. Giving into their desires seemed like a good idea at the time until they wake and find the spirits thought otherwise. Trapped with the ghost of a child long forgotten, an amorous entity that is threatening Jessica, and a powder keg of a spine-tingling mystery that might just be better left buried.

Bio

Shiela Stewart is a paranormal suspense author with a writing history that stems back to her youth.  Always a dreamer, wondering if her stories would ever reach an audience, she was finally published in 2006 and hasn’t stopped since.  It is rare to find a stand-alone book as she prefers series stories. Her longest running series to date is her Darkness series, which is a vampire romance.

Her joy for scary suspense is evident in each of her books. She has had several accomplishments, including fighting for the top spot in the rankings with author Stephanie Myers, receiving glowing reviews as well as interviews on local television and reviews and interviews in The Romantic Times Magazine.

When not writing, Shiela spends her time with the love of her life, William, and their children and grandchildren. Her strong affection for animals is evident in the many cats she cares for.

Her favorite time of the day is at sunset.

You can find me at.

Website: www.shielastewart.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/shiela.stewart

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ShielaSue

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@shielastewart

Apple Books. : https://books.apple.com/us/book/seducing-the-darkness/id1050480128

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Shiela-Stewart/e/B002BLN95E%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share

Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/seducing-the-darkness-shiela-stewart/1014485332?ean=2940152679007

Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/secrets-of-the-dead-17

Decadent Publishing:  http://decadentpublishing.com/secrets-of-the-dead/