Triumph and Tiaras

I bet you didn’t know today is International Tiara Day. I’m sorry I didn’t mention it before now so you could prepare but better late than never, right?

Women wear tiaras for many reasons. Graduations. Weddings. Milestone birthdays. Some people think tiaras are silly. I am of the opposite opinion.

Tiaras are celebratory. I think everyone-men and women-should wear tiaras to commemorate every victory. You don’t have to wait for something earth-shattering. Every day is Tiara Day.

Finished breakfast without spilling coffee? Get that report in on time? Made it through the presentation without throwing up? Well done! Wear your tiny crown.

Mowed the lawn expertly? Washed the dishes like a pro? Remembered to wear pants? Shine up that tiara and put it on.

Fancy or plain, diamonds or cubic zirconia, it doesn’t matter. What’s important is the celebration of all of life’s moments. Do you know why? Because each moment happens only once.

Rock that tiara.

National Introverts Week!

Did you know that last week was National Introverts Week (March 21-27)? It’s no surprise if you didn’t. Do you expect an introvert to broadcast this and celebrate? Probably not.

When I think of introverts, I picture someone who is quiet, reserved, and a bit of a loner. It always seems odd when famous people—actors, singers, politicians— refer to themselves as introverts.  They perform in front of hundreds or thousands of people, how can they be introverted?

I decided to research what famous introverts have in common.  The first thing seems to be the need for a lot of “alone time”.  They take time out of their everyday lives to spend quiet time to think and plan.  In this quiet time, free from distraction, they can let their imaginations free to create and dream.

They also have the ability to focus on whatever idea that sprang from their creativity. This focus often allows them to think through their idea and the steps needed to take to succeed.  They are prepared when an opportunity arises to put their ideas into action.

Introverts tend to prefer small gatherings to large.  A small gathering can make it easier to form friendships or to network, unlike large groups where people meet but don’t really get to know one another.

Hmm. Sounds like me. I might be introverted.

It is still hard to understand an introvert who stands in front of an audience and acts, sings, talks, or otherwise performs. But you can be sure they have thought about what they want, studied their craft, practiced until perfection, and are prepared.

Who are some of these famous introverts?  They can be found in every field.  Meryl Streep and Johnny Depp, Lady Gaga and Prince, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama in the fields I mentioned above but there is also Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Charles Darwin, Stephen Spielberg, Dr Seuss, and Michael Jordon.

There is brilliance in that list. I’m in very good company. What about you? Introvert or Extrovert?

5 Things You Can Do to Take Better Care of Yourself

I don’t know about you, but I’m taking far worse care of myself now than I did in the “before times”. I know that I have to do better with the basics—#movemore #eatbetter. I have plans to improve, and I’ve forgiven myself for my transgressions. But in the course of thinking about how to feel better and make the most of my time in isolation, I’ve come up with a short list of ways I can take better care of myself.

#1 Stop Worrying. This one has been a hard lesson to learn. I’ve been a worrier all of my life. At points in my life, my worrying was debilitating. But one evening, as I shared a current worry with a friend, my loving friend said, “Don’t waste your time worrying about things you don’t have control over. It doesn’t help. Plus you ruin a good day due to the possibility of a bad one.”

Well, damn.

That simple truth hadn’t occurred to me. Now every time I start to worry about something I can’t control, I hear her voice.

2. Tend to someone. Or something.

Sometimes we are in our heads too much. At least I am, especially when it’s quiet or I’m engaged in some routine activity like washing dishes. But when we step outside of ourselves and take care of someone or something, we are immediately warmed. Happier. And it’s not all due to appreciation from those we’re caring for. It’s also because it just feels good. It reinforces our connection to the world. Sometimes, it’s inexplicable. When my Toby lays in my lap because he wants lots of petting, it’s joyous—Even though his boney knees dig into my tender flesh. Shaving Molly, my furry senior dog, feels good. Not that it is truly an enjoyable process for me or her, but shaving her feet helps her to walk better. My partner loves to tend to flowers. It makes her happy to see them grow.

Take care of flowers, pets, family members. Drop off some cookies on your elderly neighbor’s porch. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you’re tending to others.

3. Do something fun, with intention.

Whether you work from home or go into to work, times have changed. I feel like I work 24-hrs a day because if I’m not actually engaged in work, I’m thinking about it. But when I plan something fun, like doing a craft or going for a drive with my partner, there is a line delineating “NOT WORKING TIME”. Moreover, I have something to look forward to.

Plan something fun every week. If you can, every day. It will make a difference in how you feel.

4. Find time to treat yourself to something special.

Rather, something that feels special to you. I like a cup of coffee and a book to read. Some people like a glass of wine and a book, or a bath. Or you could color. Tend to your garden. Crochet. Paint your nails.

You deserve time that is DEVOTED TO YOU BY YOU. This offers an opportunity to relax, reflect, or rejuvenate. Do what you like.

5. Smile more.

Research tells us that smiling is good for us. It improves our moods, alleviates stress, and can boost our immune systems. It can also make people around you smile—Bonus! I would bet that you have a few things that are guaranteed to make you smile. For me, some movies make me laugh every time. Ever see “Cold Turkey”, or “Arsenic and Old Lace”? Also my partner has a silly sense of humor that resonates with me, so she makes me smile and laugh all the time.

Find a reason every day to smile. Especially the days you just don’t feel like it.

What nourishes you? Let’s share and encourage each other!

Taking Care of Ourselves

We’re all talking about the effects of isolation on our mental health.  One of the suggestions experts are making is to start a journal.  The theory seems to be that this is such an unusual time and circumstance we would value a record in the future.  That sounds like a wonderful idea.  I wish I had been able to do that.

But the pandemic and social isolation/social distancing have had the opposite effect on me. I’ve kept a journal for most of my life.  During stressful times in the past, I have written up to 10 pages a day dealing with the circumstance.  Journaling this spring should have been easy.  I am, after all, a writer.

Since early March, it has been difficult for me to “orient to time”.  I do clearly understand day-to-day events but often not the exact date. Time compresses, too. I often can’t remember if something happened last week or the week before. My sleeping has become erratic as well. At least twice a week I find myself still awake at 5 am, with the sun peaking over the horizon

Yesterday, I picked up my journal because I thought it had been a few days since I had written.  The last entry was April 3rd. My new plan is to follow Julia Cameron’s recommendation for Morning Pages. This means writing for three pages, longhand, in the style of stream of consciousness. The idea is to do this first thing in the morning to have a clear mind for the day.  

I don't want to. But I will. It will help me keep track of time. It will also enable me to discharge some of my anxiety on the page.

I also found a few things that really help me to reign in my uneasiness. Besides writing, I find deep breathing to be helpful. The Calm app is for iOS devices is a goto for me, There are options that you can get if you pay for them, but the breathing exercises are free (so far) and they really help. Calm Of course, the master of breathing exercises is Dr. Andrew Weil. You can find his exercises here: Dr.Weil

If that sounds too boring to you, many places are offering virtual tours. I find it pretty meditative to watch an aquarium, or meander through a museum. Here are a couple of links to explore. YOu might find something to take you away from your worries, if only for a little while.

Best Virtual Tours According to Goodhousekeeping

Best Virtual Tours According to Town and Country Magazine

How are you managing? Be well. Stay safe. #stayhome if you can #washyourhands

Bad Habits Require New Habits

Those of you following my newsletter know that I’ve embarking on a journey this year to achieve a few goals. Not resolutions, but concrete, measurable goals. Many of you’ve joined me. So far, we’ve set goals and crafted them for maximum effectiveness using the SMART goal strategy. 

Sometimes, resolutions or SMART goals involve creating new habits. You’ve probably heard the adage it takes 21 days to create a new habit. Unfortunately, it is rarely that simple. New habits can take much, much longer to develop. A quick Google search will guide you to interesting and more accurate information. (Suffice to say establishing a new habit requires dedication, persistence (including a promise to yourself to never give up), and an overarching desire to win. Did I mention persistence? 

Other goals involve eliminating longstanding habits. Here is something to think about: It is far easier to get rid of a bad or maladaptive habit when you find something to replace it. For instance, one of my 2019 goals is to eat less and better-for-me food. I can replace bad-for-me food with foods that are better—easy. Sort of. But if I want to eat less, what can I do with the desire to eat more? I replace the habit of snacking with behaviors that are incompatible with snacking. For example, crocheting. I can’t eat and crochet at the same time. I also can’t brush my teeth and snack.

(You know what I mean. Doesn’t everyone like the feeling of freshly brushed teeth?)

At times, it is also important to think about WHY you engage in the not-good-for-you behavior. For example, let’s say you want desperately to stop picking your fingernails. It’s more than a habit; you understand you do this when you’re anxious. With this knowledge, you can find other things to do when you’re nervous, things designed to soothe you. Drinking a cup of tea? Deep breathing exercises? Calling your BFF? One of these options would always be available to you. When you finally make the commitment to stop picking your fingernails, you’ll have these other tools at your disposal.

The point is, when you are trying to stop doing something, you have to replace it with something else. In fact, start doing the new, positive thing BEFORE you tackle stopping the old thing.

Make sense? What habits do you want to change?

A Wish for You

A major theme in my writing is that we are happiest when we can be who we are. I think it resonates with me because I spent so much of my life trying to be the person others expected me to be. Maybe you've had similar experiences. 

I'm starting a quest for the new year. Part envisioning, part goal setting. Why not join me? 

Once a month I'll send out a short email offering ideas and action steps to put us on the journey to living the life we imagine. Don't worry; I'll still talk about books and things. To start us off, I'm offering a brief tool to keep track of where you're going. Just click the button to join my email list. You’ll then be directed to the booklet. It will open in your browser for you to download in the usual way. You can print it double-sided, and then fold it into a booklet. I find it helpful to have something I can write on.

2019 is going to be awesome.