Why Worry? #lessons

I worry about everything.

The election. My partner’s asthma. My weight. Upcoming doctor appointments. COVID-19. World peace. My dog’s incessant appetite and thirst. Carbohydrates. The condition of the sun. Death. (Just as a few examples.)

It is exhausting, really. It takes its toll. Sleep becomes elusive, because when I close my eyes, all I can do is think about the thing I’m worrying about. And poor coping skills lead me to eat badly and stop exercising. Moreover, I also get nauseated, sometimes with the existential nausea of questioning existence.

One day, in the middle of worrying about death and dying, I had a conversation with a friend. She calmly listened to me lament while my stomach churned. At a point, she looked at me with the most puzzled expression and asked me, “If there is nothing you can do about it, why spend the time worrying?”

She went on to point out to me that the time I spent worrying so hard ruins time—worrying so much about death wastes life.

Have you ever had a lightbulb moment, a moment when you understand something so profound it changes your life? That was mine.

I’m not saying I never worry. I do. I suppose it’s in my nature. But a lot of the time, when I remind myself about this conversation. What’s the point of worrying when there is nothing I can do? And since EVERY minute of life is so precious, why waste any of them feeling sick and agitated about something that is out of my control? After that, I can usually take a breath and let it go.

Mostly.

I’d love to hear about your lightbulb moments. What “aha!” changed your life.

My lesson in a chart.

Grateful.

This is the next-to-last week for my summer CSA. Every week my partner and I put on our masks and head to a local farm to pick up our share of fruits and vegetables. The farm also has a small farm stand, so also pick up other essentials, like local cheese, bread, eggs, beef (locally raised and processed), and chips—and as you can see in the back right of the picture, sometimes also apple fritters.

The farm stand requires masks and social distancing, and usually has only a handful of people anyway. This little local business has enabled us to always have fresh food during a period when we didn’t think we could because grocery shopping was too risky for us. I am grateful for them.

In this crazy, scary time, it’s hard to appreciate the things that aren’t so crazy. I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude, and reminding myself to consciously be grateful. I am ever so grateful for my partner. I’m grateful for my skilled and understanding doctor. I’m grateful for my employer, and the care it is taking to make sure we’re safe and enabling me to have money to pay my bills.

And I appreciative of my readers who have been on this writing journey with me. Cheyenne also sends his gratitude. Along with a proposition, of course.

What are you grateful for?

A Ceramic What?

In addition to writing, one might say I’m a collector. A hardcore Prince fan, I’ve collected newspaper articles, pictures, music in all formats, books, magazines, concert tickets (I’ve been to so many Prince concerts). The list of what I have and what I would collect is endless. No, I don’t own anything horribly rare or expensive, but every single Prince thing I do have is meaningful to me.

In my opinion, collecting Prince stuff is rational. There will never be another quite like him. But I seem to have other items that, well, perplex even me.

I own several pickles—A couple of ornaments, (one beautifully blown glass), and a number of note cards and bookmarks with pickle images. Why?? I also own glass grapes, metal grapes, and a few pictures of grapes. Huh?

One of my prize possessions is a hot dog. See?

My ceramic frankfurter.

I do not know why I am so drawn to this, but I bet you like it, too.

Where Would You Go If You Could?

If nothing else, staying home for the past few months has given me time to write, and time to think.I tend to focus on my darker, sadder thoughts so, too much time to think isn’t usually a good thing for me.

But sometimes, I think about what’s on my list of things I will do when (if?) the pandemic is over. I definitely want to drive down to the Outer Banks again. I fell in love with the picturesque trip as well as the entire area. From our hotel, the beach was not even a stone’s throw. We stepped onto the balcony and right into the ocean breeze. It sure was beautiful.

I think I’d also like to take an Alaskan cruise, or maybe even a land/cruise combination. Not only are the mountains and icebergs breathtaking (even in pictures), but the Northern Lights...What words can describe this? I imagine being there, seeing this, would be a spiritual experience.

Given the chance, where would you go?

One of Those Days

One thing I know for sure is that if one thing goes wrong in the morning, the rest of the day is in trouble.

First, I have to admit that I overslept, so getting out of the house was rushed.  As I was leaving, the phone rang and I saw it was the arborist who is supposed to check our tree.  This appointment has been delayed by a tropical storm a couple of weeks ago and then a storm with tornados last week.  The arborist was called to help with tree damage, so our poor tree was put on hold.  I knew he was calling to reschedule but there was no time to check calendars so I told the phone (and myself) that I would call him later.

Tuesday is errand day.  I have to be out for our farm shares pick up so run other errands. When I attached my phone in the car, I received the message that the phone was offline.  Now, this phone is about a week old and one sim card has already had to be replaced.  Here we go again I thought.  Followed by “I’ll have to call them later.”

Off I went and picked up the farm shares and decided not to do the other errands to save time. I arrived home, showered, and put everything away.  I grabbed last night’s leftover lasagna and heated that for lunch. 

During lunch a friend called needing to borrow something, medicine was delivered, and a friend kept texting complaints about his day. 

Actually, it was worse than this looks.

Finally, I headed to my office to get started on my workday, only to learn that the internet was down.  I did the usual magic, but nothing happened.  I spent the next 3 hours on the phone with the tech guy who told me one thing to do, then totally changed what he wanted me to do until I was completely turned around.  I checked for loose cables, traced the cable back to its entry to the house, but honestly I wouldn’t have recognized something wrong If I had seen it.  There were multiple wires going in every direction. Did we really have cable in six rooms?  Seems we do even though they are hooked to nothing.  Finally, the tech and I decided that a new modem should be sent.  Great.  How many days?

I also teach remotely, and guess what is needed for that? Yes, an internet connection.  Using the hot spot on my phone I was able to hold the class.  Miraculously when my class ended, the internet came online and then it was gone again.

So here I sit with blogs to post, email to send, and classes to get ready for tomorrow.  But I have no internet.  What’s a person to do? I think I will go to bed and make sure tomorrow starts on time.