Homeownership: The lies they tell you

The guys that put in my furnace a few years ago just pulled out of my driveway. It was time for a tune up. I trust the company, which I need to since I do whatever they tell me to do. One of the things I learned all on my own is if you let things get bad, they will only get worse. So I try not to let tings get bad. I remember when I bought my first house. “Congratulations!” they said. “It will feel good to not pay rent on someone else’s property.” Not one person told me signing on the dotted line was only the beginning.

So many things I did not know. Like you really should check the grading of your yard. My first house may as well have been a boat with as much water flowed from my backyard to my basement. If I had checked for watermarks in the basement BEFORE I bought the house. I also didn’t know th at the second the house is yours, things start to break. Deck stairs wobbling? Check. Water heater dies? Check. Aging pipes? Check. Squirrels in the attic? Double check.

After a while, I sold that house and lived in an apartment for a few years. Then like a lunatic, I moved to Connecticut and did it again. But this time, homeownership is NOT going to get the best of me. I check the drainage and walls. I found out when the roof was last replaced. Only the furnace cost me money right from the start.And truly, the benefits outway the problems. It’s MINE. My sanctuary. I can play my music as loud as I want to. I can decorate my walls, my lawn and any other thing I want to decorate. No regrets.

At least, not until I get the furnace bill.

A Sacrifice for Convenience

A plate of quesadillas.

I’m sure I’m not alone in occasionally eating take-out food. There are those days when I’m too tired to think about cooking. Or too busy to have time to make a meal. And I’ll admit it—sometimes, there just isn’t anything in the fridge that is even remotely appealing.

My partner and I are not very adventurous when it comes to food. Once in a blue, we’ll try a new restaurant after thoroughly vetting it through friends or reviews. When we find one, it goes on the list of options.

There was a time when we could count on these select places to give us delicious, beautifully present food in exchange for money. Since the pandemic, we tip for take-out because given the circumstances it felt like the right thing to do.

But our list today is short and growing shorter. Restaurants that we have had great food and experiences with are disappointing us in a myriad of ways.

• An item (or two) missing from our order.

• A presentation so poor as to be unappealing.

• Badly cooked—burned beyond edibility or worse.

Just yesterday, we ordered from a place that we have gotten food from many, many times. It’s gotten progressively worse. For instance, at some point we ordered a bean burrito that had no beans in it. Seriously. But we decided to give it another chance. This time we ordered quesadillas. It was the trifecta of awful: Sloppily constructed and presented. Chicken so dried out it it was unrecognizable as chicken—or anything edible. And—you guessed it—burned tortillas.

At this point, the only three places that have not disappointed us—yet—are our local McDonald’s, a pizza parlor with amazing zucchini fries, and a little breakfast place. As a business person, I have an idea what is happening and it has to do with training, oversight, lack of pride in a job well done, etc. But a question remains: WHY is it happening? I have no idea but if you do, I’d like to hear it.

Take out no longer seems worth the convenience. I think we’ll stop eating out for a while, and instead plan simple meals that we can make even if we’re tired or have little time. To be sure, it’s healthier and less expensive this way. But it sure is disappointing.

September : Pain Awareness Month

People who experience chronic pain are very good at pretending to be okay. Even if every step feels like grinding glass. Even if standing upright takes herculean effort. Even if they are holding their breath so they don’t whimper…or scream.

My partner spent many years trying to get doctors to believe that yes, I am in immense pain and no, whatever treatment you’ve given me hasn’t worked. Finally, she found two brilliant doctors, both women, who believed her from the start and set out to find a way to help her. And to some degree, they have.

It’s easy to understand how people get addicted to prescription medicine. J.R. once told me that she could imagine a level of pain were she knows she would do absolutely anything to make it go away.

Anyway, the point of all this is that you never know the burdens that someone is carrying. You never truly know how someone feels. It doesn’t cost a thing to be kind.

So be kind. Please.

National Pet Day

Left to right: Fergus, Molly, Toby, and Chloe. My babies.

These are the puppies I've had the honor of loving. From left to right are Fergus (the smartest puppy, ever), Molly (as you can see, the silliest puppy), Toby (aka Little Man, the most highly strung puppy), and Chloe (Queen of the house, bossiest puppy). Toby is still with me. The other three are playing together across the Rainbow Bridge.

Today is National Pet Day. What would life be without our pets? A little lonelier? A bit dull? Less fun? 

All of the above. Our pets help us relax and take us away from the everyday grind. They make us smile and laugh and yes, sometimes cry because we love them so much.

Come to think of it, so do books. Lots below to check out. 

Please give your pet a little extra TLC today. 

It's Not A Small Life

Today, I heard someone say that they know they lead a small life.

It was, in fact, the second time I’ve heard it. A character on a drama series also said it. The comment, so soft on the surface, hit me pretty hard both times. What might it mean, to live a small life?

I’m not going to say more about the real person who said it. That’s not fair. But it’s worth talking about the fictional person. Based on the rest of the story, the character seemed to mean that his life is unexceptional. Ordinary. He had a job as a salesman; he made a living, but he wasn’t close to being rich. He lived in a small apartment, had a couple of friends. He was, by all accounts, a good son, a great big brother, and a loving boyfriend. He meant he was neither a hero or a villain. He wasn’t part of the elite, nor was he a criminal (despite being surrounded by them).

But…

He was really good at his job. His boss valued his work and supported him during a difficult time. He loved and had a close relationship with his mother and his sister. His friends cared enough to defend him when the going got rough. His girlfriend loved him as completely and as deeply as he loved her. He fiercely protected his family, sometimes to his detriment.

He touched the lives of many people. He loved and was loved. Sounds like a colossal life to me.

Happiness Happens

August is Happiness Happens Month. You may be saying, “That is just corny.” I thought so too. But now, I know the truth of the adage.

Toby, aka Tobalicious, aka Little Man, aka Little Stinker.

August has always been challenging for me. First of all, it’s muggy and HOT. Today the heat index was 105. It also is the month where although I am not yet back to work, I am WORKING to prepare for going back to work.

Despite these very serious downsides, I usually find a spot of joy at least once during the month. So far this month, I was sitting in the backyard wishing for a cool breeze and all of a sudden Toby, my Italian Greyhound mix, jump onto my lap and flopped down, laid his head on my arm and fell asleep. Even though his furry little body made me even hotter, it was joyous. I also saw a video of J-Hope’s performance at Lollapalooza and as badass as he was, watching him made me so happy.

Was I expecting to be happy in a month when the heat is stifling? No. But…It happened, and it was awesome.

I suppose the moral to the story is be open to the possibility of happiness so that when it happens, you recognize it and appreciate it.

Besides my puppy and J-Hope, lots of things make me happy. Chocolate chip cookies. Writing. Music in general. BTS and Prince in specific. New makeup. Books about organizing. The ocean. I’m going to make sure to experience all of the above in this sweltering month. And I’ll be ready when more happiness happens.

Take a second and answer my poll: What makes you happy? I’ll share the results at the end of the month.

Layers of Diversity

A diverse group of women and men.

Today, there is a focus on diversity. That’s a good thing! Interestingly, it is almost always the same aspects: gender, sexual orientation, gender expression, race, age, ethnicity, religion. These are also, not coincidentally, protected classes (meaning protected by laws, at least some of the time).

What isn’t often discussed, however, are all of the other layers of diversity worth recognizing. For example:

• Wealth or income level. The amount of money you have affects how you view the world and your experiences in it.

• Education.There are those of us with Doctorates and those without high school diplomas and every step in between.

• Skin tone. Having a lighter or darker pigment, depending on the culture, can affect how you are treated.

• Beauty. Yes, beauty standards vary. But if you exceed or don’t meet the standard, it can affect how people view you.

• Geography. Urban/rural. North/south. East/west. You know what people think. People in the south are slow. City folks are rude. West coasters are laid back potheads.

• Weight/body type. All kinds of assumptions are made about people who are overweight—Lazy. Stupid. Jolly.

On the one hand, it is a research-based fact that when you have a diverse environment, people are happier and more creative, and decision-making is high quality.

In my books, you’ll find characters along many layers of diversity. My characters are older and younger, rich and poor, straight, gay, and transgender, chubby and not. There are attorneys, musicians, drag performers, and corporate bigwigs. And of course, a myriad of races, including the supernatural kind: Vampires, Weres, Incubi, Huldra, Caladrius, Dragons, Wizards and more. All of this makes for, as one reader noted, Memorable characters, humor, compassion, and adventure.

That’s the kind of world I want to live in. The one that diversity can create.

Triumph and Tiaras

I bet you didn’t know today is International Tiara Day. I’m sorry I didn’t mention it before now so you could prepare but better late than never, right?

Women wear tiaras for many reasons. Graduations. Weddings. Milestone birthdays. Some people think tiaras are silly. I am of the opposite opinion.

Tiaras are celebratory. I think everyone-men and women-should wear tiaras to commemorate every victory. You don’t have to wait for something earth-shattering. Every day is Tiara Day.

Finished breakfast without spilling coffee? Get that report in on time? Made it through the presentation without throwing up? Well done! Wear your tiny crown.

Mowed the lawn expertly? Washed the dishes like a pro? Remembered to wear pants? Shine up that tiara and put it on.

Fancy or plain, diamonds or cubic zirconia, it doesn’t matter. What’s important is the celebration of all of life’s moments. Do you know why? Because each moment happens only once.

Rock that tiara.

National Introverts Week!

Did you know that last week was National Introverts Week (March 21-27)? It’s no surprise if you didn’t. Do you expect an introvert to broadcast this and celebrate? Probably not.

When I think of introverts, I picture someone who is quiet, reserved, and a bit of a loner. It always seems odd when famous people—actors, singers, politicians— refer to themselves as introverts.  They perform in front of hundreds or thousands of people, how can they be introverted?

I decided to research what famous introverts have in common.  The first thing seems to be the need for a lot of “alone time”.  They take time out of their everyday lives to spend quiet time to think and plan.  In this quiet time, free from distraction, they can let their imaginations free to create and dream.

They also have the ability to focus on whatever idea that sprang from their creativity. This focus often allows them to think through their idea and the steps needed to take to succeed.  They are prepared when an opportunity arises to put their ideas into action.

Introverts tend to prefer small gatherings to large.  A small gathering can make it easier to form friendships or to network, unlike large groups where people meet but don’t really get to know one another.

Hmm. Sounds like me. I might be introverted.

It is still hard to understand an introvert who stands in front of an audience and acts, sings, talks, or otherwise performs. But you can be sure they have thought about what they want, studied their craft, practiced until perfection, and are prepared.

Who are some of these famous introverts?  They can be found in every field.  Meryl Streep and Johnny Depp, Lady Gaga and Prince, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama in the fields I mentioned above but there is also Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Charles Darwin, Stephen Spielberg, Dr Seuss, and Michael Jordon.

There is brilliance in that list. I’m in very good company. What about you? Introvert or Extrovert?

5 Stress Hacks to Help You Live a Healthier Life

Man literally under stress.

April is Stress Awareness Month.

Many of us have way too much stress in our lives. Stress doesn’t have to come from dire events. It can be insidious, creeping into your life and taking a toll little by little until you feel like the dude in the picture.

Been there? I have.

It is not new information that stress is physically harmful to you. The Mayo Clinic tells us that, left unchecked, stress can cause serious health problems including heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity, and diabetes. It’s in our best interest to find ways to alleviate it.

I know, you’re thinking, “Easier said than done.” A few years ago I would have agreed with you. But one day, I woke up with the realization that stress was killing me. At that very moment, I committed to making changes.

The first thing I had to do was leave the job of my heart. I loved it, was born to do it, but the stress of being a nonprofit executive was off the chart. But that wasn’t all. Here are five ways I hacked my way to a life with less stress:

1. Breathe. I have experienced the physiological effects of deep breathing. If you’ve never tried breathing mindfully in order to calm down your “fight or flight” stress response, just give this one minute exercise a shot and see how it makes you feel. Deep Breathing Tool

2. Put on headphones and listen to music. It doesn’t matter what kind of music soothes you, but headphones are a must.

3. Drink a cup of tea. Any warm beverage is thought to calm your body, but teas especially so. Mint and chamomile teas are well known to have relaxing effects, but so does rose tea. You can read more about it here.

4. Play with your pets. It’s generally known that having puppies and kittens around lowers our stress levels by increasing serotonin and dopamine. Don’t have a pet? Make a cup of tea and watch this video. Goodbye, stress.

5. Read. I know. You’d expect an author to say this. But immersing yourself in the world of a story can take you away and give you a chance to breathe.

   Do you have any additional stress hacks? Let me know!