Reach Out for Something New

Not too long ago, I was feeling sorry for myself. It all felt like too much, more than I could bear. Maybe some of you can relate. It occurred to me that there are three possible outcomes to the end of the pandemic. I will either come out of this exactly the same (in which case I will have wasted a year or more of my life), I can come out of this worse for wear (and who knows how bad “worse” can be), or I can emerge better than I was before.

I’m choosing the latter.

Vegetable Stew. Yummy.

To this end, I’ve recommitted to eating better. Considering current events, it seems prudent to eat less meat. I’m not ready to go full on vegan. I’m still going to eat dairy, for now.

I’ve been hunting for recipes that are filling but meatless. One meal I particularly like is Vegetarian Stew. It has corn and potatoes and zucchini and tomatoes, among other veggies. With a sprinkle of parmesan cheese, it was delicious. Let me know if you want the recipe.

I’ve also tried my hand at crocheting. I used to crochet—a long time ago. All I ever managed to create were scarves. But look! Fingerless gloves.

Before you start to critique my effort, I already know they’re full of flaws. But when I look at them, I see sheer perfection. I’ll get better with practice.

One thing I still need to add to my process of change is something calming. Peaceful. Reflective. I’m not sure what that will look like. I do need to read more. I love reading but it’s one of those things I don’t often make time to do. I’m not good at journaling. Maybe listening to music? Meditation? There is something appealing about both of those options. That being said, I’m open to suggestions.

I wonder if I will be successful.

In a song, Prince wrote, “It’s time to reach out for something new. That means you, too.” I think it’s my time to change. I’m going to give it my best shot.

Why Worry? #lessons

I worry about everything.

The election. My partner’s asthma. My weight. Upcoming doctor appointments. COVID-19. World peace. My dog’s incessant appetite and thirst. Carbohydrates. The condition of the sun. Death. (Just as a few examples.)

It is exhausting, really. It takes its toll. Sleep becomes elusive, because when I close my eyes, all I can do is think about the thing I’m worrying about. And poor coping skills lead me to eat badly and stop exercising. Moreover, I also get nauseated, sometimes with the existential nausea of questioning existence.

One day, in the middle of worrying about death and dying, I had a conversation with a friend. She calmly listened to me lament while my stomach churned. At a point, she looked at me with the most puzzled expression and asked me, “If there is nothing you can do about it, why spend the time worrying?”

She went on to point out to me that the time I spent worrying so hard ruins time—worrying so much about death wastes life.

Have you ever had a lightbulb moment, a moment when you understand something so profound it changes your life? That was mine.

I’m not saying I never worry. I do. I suppose it’s in my nature. But a lot of the time, when I remind myself about this conversation. What’s the point of worrying when there is nothing I can do? And since EVERY minute of life is so precious, why waste any of them feeling sick and agitated about something that is out of my control? After that, I can usually take a breath and let it go.

Mostly.

I’d love to hear about your lightbulb moments. What “aha!” changed your life.

My lesson in a chart.

Grateful.

This is the next-to-last week for my summer CSA. Every week my partner and I put on our masks and head to a local farm to pick up our share of fruits and vegetables. The farm also has a small farm stand, so also pick up other essentials, like local cheese, bread, eggs, beef (locally raised and processed), and chips—and as you can see in the back right of the picture, sometimes also apple fritters.

The farm stand requires masks and social distancing, and usually has only a handful of people anyway. This little local business has enabled us to always have fresh food during a period when we didn’t think we could because grocery shopping was too risky for us. I am grateful for them.

In this crazy, scary time, it’s hard to appreciate the things that aren’t so crazy. I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude, and reminding myself to consciously be grateful. I am ever so grateful for my partner. I’m grateful for my skilled and understanding doctor. I’m grateful for my employer, and the care it is taking to make sure we’re safe and enabling me to have money to pay my bills.

And I appreciative of my readers who have been on this writing journey with me. Cheyenne also sends his gratitude. Along with a proposition, of course.

What are you grateful for?

A Ceramic What?

In addition to writing, one might say I’m a collector. A hardcore Prince fan, I’ve collected newspaper articles, pictures, music in all formats, books, magazines, concert tickets (I’ve been to so many Prince concerts). The list of what I have and what I would collect is endless. No, I don’t own anything horribly rare or expensive, but every single Prince thing I do have is meaningful to me.

In my opinion, collecting Prince stuff is rational. There will never be another quite like him. But I seem to have other items that, well, perplex even me.

I own several pickles—A couple of ornaments, (one beautifully blown glass), and a number of note cards and bookmarks with pickle images. Why?? I also own glass grapes, metal grapes, and a few pictures of grapes. Huh?

One of my prize possessions is a hot dog. See?

My ceramic frankfurter.

I do not know why I am so drawn to this, but I bet you like it, too.

Where Would You Go If You Could?

If nothing else, staying home for the past few months has given me time to write, and time to think.I tend to focus on my darker, sadder thoughts so, too much time to think isn’t usually a good thing for me.

But sometimes, I think about what’s on my list of things I will do when (if?) the pandemic is over. I definitely want to drive down to the Outer Banks again. I fell in love with the picturesque trip as well as the entire area. From our hotel, the beach was not even a stone’s throw. We stepped onto the balcony and right into the ocean breeze. It sure was beautiful.

I think I’d also like to take an Alaskan cruise, or maybe even a land/cruise combination. Not only are the mountains and icebergs breathtaking (even in pictures), but the Northern Lights...What words can describe this? I imagine being there, seeing this, would be a spiritual experience.

Given the chance, where would you go?

One of Those Days

One thing I know for sure is that if one thing goes wrong in the morning, the rest of the day is in trouble.

First, I have to admit that I overslept, so getting out of the house was rushed.  As I was leaving, the phone rang and I saw it was the arborist who is supposed to check our tree.  This appointment has been delayed by a tropical storm a couple of weeks ago and then a storm with tornados last week.  The arborist was called to help with tree damage, so our poor tree was put on hold.  I knew he was calling to reschedule but there was no time to check calendars so I told the phone (and myself) that I would call him later.

Tuesday is errand day.  I have to be out for our farm shares pick up so run other errands. When I attached my phone in the car, I received the message that the phone was offline.  Now, this phone is about a week old and one sim card has already had to be replaced.  Here we go again I thought.  Followed by “I’ll have to call them later.”

Off I went and picked up the farm shares and decided not to do the other errands to save time. I arrived home, showered, and put everything away.  I grabbed last night’s leftover lasagna and heated that for lunch. 

During lunch a friend called needing to borrow something, medicine was delivered, and a friend kept texting complaints about his day. 

Actually, it was worse than this looks.

Finally, I headed to my office to get started on my workday, only to learn that the internet was down.  I did the usual magic, but nothing happened.  I spent the next 3 hours on the phone with the tech guy who told me one thing to do, then totally changed what he wanted me to do until I was completely turned around.  I checked for loose cables, traced the cable back to its entry to the house, but honestly I wouldn’t have recognized something wrong If I had seen it.  There were multiple wires going in every direction. Did we really have cable in six rooms?  Seems we do even though they are hooked to nothing.  Finally, the tech and I decided that a new modem should be sent.  Great.  How many days?

I also teach remotely, and guess what is needed for that? Yes, an internet connection.  Using the hot spot on my phone I was able to hold the class.  Miraculously when my class ended, the internet came online and then it was gone again.

So here I sit with blogs to post, email to send, and classes to get ready for tomorrow.  But I have no internet.  What’s a person to do? I think I will go to bed and make sure tomorrow starts on time.

Really? Pumpkin Lattes Already?

I'm feeling like this little guy. My partner and I went out today to grab a cup of coffee (we had a touch of cabin fever) and coffee shops are already selling Fall flavors. 

A bewildered owl. Courtesy Skitterphoto on Pexels

Fall? It's 90 degrees where I am. 

Granted, classes are starting up for the Fall semester, which is a marker of the next season. I've been buried in school prep, student advising, and orientations for a few weeks so I suppose I hadn't noticed that time was passing so quickly.  

Tell me, are you a person who years for Fall flavors? I like a few. Apples, caramel (which I consider Fall-ish) and some pumpkin flavors—although not in coffee. I’m a coffee purist.

If Fall flavors are your thing, I have a good recipe for a unique snack/dessert. The recipe is one that has been in my family for decades, although to be honest I have no idea where or with whom it originated.

Pumpkin dip:

2 cups powdered sugar

8oz cream cheese softened

15 ounces of pumpkin (canned or pureed)

2 teaspoons cinnamon (or to taste—I sometimes like a little less)

Makes approximately 4 cups. Recipe can be doubled easily.

Serve with ginger snaps for dipping! YUMMY!

If you try it, let me know what you think!

To Write, or Not to Write Short Stories

I’m a member of a writing group that has decided to publish an anthology of our short stories.  Sounds good, right? Yes, and no.

On the positive side, anthologies offer readers an opportunity to sample new authors, usually at a bargain price. It also enables authors to reach new audiences, and sometimes. to try their hands at new genres.

On the other hand…

While I’ve written a few successful short stories, I don’t easily write “short”. I have a few stories, but they are closer to flash fiction in length.  I don’t like to read long rambling tales so it stands to reason that I also don’t write them  I do tend to write stories that involve the cast of characters who appear in my longer works.

Unfortunately, that creates the problem of how to explain who these people are without lots of backstory. There isn’t time or space to do that in a short work of fiction.  I suppose I could identify it as a Living After Midnight story but what if the reader hasn’t read those books?  How do I make this interesting enough that it might make someone new want to read more? Maybe I would be better off using new characters as long as it takes place in or around Unakite. 

Decisions decisions.

If I’m being honest, I have to admit it doesn’t usually work for me to try to go outside my fictional world. My characters are so pushy they often manage to insert themselves into anything I write— if only for a cameo.

What do you think? Do you read short stories?

Cookies. Yes, I said it. Cookies.

Being home more than usual has been a challenge in many ways. By nature, I’m what my partner calls a slugabed. Meaning, given the option, I might just slug around and stay in bed. I wouldn’t go that far, but it is true that I don’t get nearly the exercise I did when I had to go into the office.

MMMM. Cookies.

So, I’ve been sitting around more, working at my job and writing, and trying to make sure I do stretches and get up, away from the computer, and walk throughout each day.

I’m also coming down off of a baking binge. You name it, I baked it. Banana bread, cranberry orange bread, cookies, actual bread.

See where I’m going here? None of that is good for me. NONE. But what’s a writer to do? Cranking out words is hungry work.

Fortunately, I found a recipe for cookies that is gluten-free and therefore not that bad for me. They’re made with coconut flour, almond flour, eggs, chocolate chips (YAY!), sugar, and butter. They are very rich. You can only eat one at a sitting. And they are really satisfying.

Drop me a line if you want the recipe.

Time to Change Things Up

I am currently slogging my way through Camp NanoWriMo and bemoaning the fact that I did not get a single word written during Camp Nano in April.  The self -flagellation reminds me that if I had only done the work in April I would be doing rewrites and edits instead of staring at a blank screen, trying to figure out what my outline notes meant.

Another worry for me has been nicknamed the Covid-15.  That’s the fifteen pounds the average person gained in the first months of sheltering in place.  I’d previously worked very hard to eat healthy meals, drink water, and exercise.  But with the quarantine, the lethargy that affected my writing also affected my healthy habits.  Months of sitting at a desk, followed by sitting on the sofa, and topped off by sitting at the dinner table, well, let’s just say I developed a fear of weighing myself.  Eventually I had to face the fact that some of my clothes were uncomfortably tight. 

I forced myself to the scales and was relieved to learn I’d only gained six pounds. It was still too much.  Even worse was the result of sitting.  Walking to the end of the driveway a couple of times a day just didn’t do the trick

My reasoning, such that it was, was that I deserved a break from work and good habits because it helped deal with the stress and worry of Covid-19.  Things would be back to normal by summer.

Obviously, that hasn’t happened.  Parts of the country reopened to devastating results, so the quarantine continues, at least in my state. My family continues to practice social distancing and #stayingathome. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that the next leg of the pandemic can’t be the same as the first four months.  I have set goals and planned baby steps for walking and exercising more, I’ve swapped my cola for water (most of the time), ceased eating so many carbs, and exchanged frozen veggies for fresh. 

I’m also creeping my way through Camp Nano.  I may not hit my goal,  but I am writing every day.  Those are great starts.

Now that things have lasted longer than we’d hoped, is there anything you’re going to do differently?

Once More Unto the Breach #CampNano

I think I’m addicted to NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month. Every November, I sign up with millions of others around the world to pledge to write a new 50,000 word novel in thirty days. No one is expected to have a polished novel at the end of that time, rather a draft that you can edit and turn into a finished work. Sounds good, right?

It is. It is also incredibly stressful. Writing is not easy. In fact, is it one of the most difficult ventures I’ve ever taken on. Sometimes the words flow like water. Most of the time, however, it’s like bleeding on the page. Stripping pieces of your soul. Add to that, trying to write at a much faster pace than I manage normally, and you have a grueling, stressful process.

Camp Nano, which takes place in July, is a kinder, gentler version of NaNoWriMo. You still have 30 days, but it’s not in the middle of the biggest holiday season, and you can pick any project you choose—something new, or a project you’ve worked on before. You also don’t have to add 50K. My goal is to finish the novel I’m working on by adding 20K words. I should be able to accomplish it.

What both programs have in common is the camaraderie, the sense of “I’m not in this alone”, unlike the rest of the months I write. As I’m also a competitive person, the drive to claim the winner’s badge also helps me to focus on achieving my goal.

So…here I go. Wish me luck.

CSA and Me

Scientists and epidemiologists insist, pretty much across the board, that the pandemic isn’t over and I trust science. I understand that the more people who #stayhome the greater our chance of eliminating the virus. Or at least buying us time until there is a treatment or a vaccine. Consequently, I’m not going anywhere—for the most part.

I’ve had to take the dogs to the vet. I’ve had to go to renew my license. And I took a drive around the block for curbside pickup of a couple of Cafe Mochas because my partner was going a little stir crazy. I wore lined masks for every outing, kept interactions brief, kept an appropriate social distance, and only left the house for necessities. Starting this week, however, I have to pick up my CSA.

My bounty for Week 1. Yum!

CSA. Community Supported Agriculture. This is a program that supports local farms. You buy “shares”, which gives the farm money to buy seeds and other supplies in advance of the season. In return, you get a “share” of the farm’s yield.

I am now obligated to go out into the world every week to pick up my farm shares. A part of me wonders what the heck I was thinking. My partner and I buy into CSAs because we support local farming, largely because I know the vital role they play in our food chain. I think corporate farming is a bad idea, but I’ll save that for another post. (In case you’re interested, this is a pretty good article.)

It’s a risk, I know, going out every week. But sometimes, you have to take risks, or as my mother would have said, “put your money where your mouth is”.

Huh. I just realized that I’m doing that quite literally.