Writers Love Words

It’s a fact. Writers love words. We carefully select and arrange them in order to tell a story. Truly, choice of words can make a difference between a novel that resonates with people and one that falls flat.

Over the course of my life, I’ve been enamored by a mispronunciation or adorable misuse. A child I once knew asked for “chockmage” when she wanted chocolate milk. A former foster kid said “sawt” for salt. My sister used to call fringe “fringles”. Speaking of fringe, my niece used to say “french benefits” instead of fringe benefits. My son (when he was much younger and probably will hate me writing this) referred to goosebumps as “freeze blisters”. A former client of mine used to tell people she had ESPN because she knew things. Another client told me she enjoyed “being in my near”—perhaps the sweetest way anyone has ever told me they liked me.

I’ve also fallen in love with words. Not because of their meaning, but because of how the person (typically a person I cared about) said them. My mom, an intelligent, intuitive woman, played with words. Sometimes literally. She’d make up word games to entertain us during long car rides. But she was also playful. “Absolutely positutely,” was a favorite saying. A caterer by trade, she loved desserts made with “nutneg.” She said she was “exhaustipated”, when she was tired down to her bones. By the way, she used that word DECADES before it landed in the Urban Dictionary.)

Some mispronunciations make me swoon. “Beso foda pop had fiz,” is a lyric Prince once sung. Yet another artist I adore sings “Kismas” and my heart melts. Crazy, right? Absolutely positutely.

What misuse or mispronunciations make you smile?

Starting the Year off with New Books!

I know folks who read at least—AT LEAST—a book a month. I’m jealous. There is nothing like losing myself in a book and falling in love with new characters. Maybe some of you feel the same.

In case you do, here are a couple of promotions I recently learned of. Yes, my short story (introducing a new character) is in one and my lesbian vampire book is in the other, but there are also about 70 additional great authors.

Just click on the pictures. The links will take you to an array of books.

This will take you to a page with nearly 50 free books/stories.

LOTS of yummy books on sale!

Enjoy. And Happy New Year. Be safe out there.

The Most Wonderful Time

If you’re like me, December came as a surprise. One second it was Halloween, the next it’s past time to set up the tree.

I know that as you get older, time seems to pass more quickly, but this is crazy. I do have a theory: As bad as 2020 was, 2021 was no better. Covid 2.0 has, much to the surprise of many, been worse than the first. More people are dying, fewer people are taking precautions. Nationally and internationally, t’s been another raging dumpster fire in many ways. So what can we do?

We can have hope. We can have wishes.

Hope for all people, far and wide, to have what we need to have a basic quality of life: food, clean water, shelter, access to medical care. Hope that we get a reasonable handle on our environmental crisis—not for us, but for those who will come behind us. Hope that we recognize that our differences make us stronger, not weaker. Hope that rights for all are recognized, validated and upheld—For men, women, straight , gay, cis-gender or transgender, young and old, no matter race, religion or ethnicity.

Of course, hope requires effort. Let’s do the work. My wish for each of us is that we have the vision and energy we need.

Onward to 2022.

The Meaning of Christmas Cards

Christmas cards are among the things I like most about the Christmas season. There was a time we received nearly 100 cards each year. It was the one time I could look forward to hearing from far flung family members, old school friends, and people who shared my work or other interests. As a bonus many would be accompanied by newsletters, photos, or other extras. It was how we stayed connected to people in our lives whom we seldom saw.

These days I am disappointed at the number of cards that we find in our mailbox. There are many reasons, I know. People died, people moved and lost touch, and people’s lives changed. We have added new ones but somehow our world still feels smaller.

I think cards have become more important as covid has changed so many things that normally make up our behavior. We don’t shop at stores in person, so I really miss all the bright decorations. We don’t attend holiday parties. Our only contact with our neighbors is a wave from the driveway and appreciating their holiday decorations from afar. There is little in my day- to -day life that sets this time apart from any other.

I hope that cards and newsletters make a comeback. They take more effort than some people are willing to put in, but a card with a personal note says that you mean something to someone. And I, for one, consider each and every card a gift from a friend.

Do you send holiday cards?

Grief is an Interesting Emotion

This past week, I discovered that my beloved chiropractor died. His passing stunned me. He was in his forties, healthy and fit by all reports. He died nonetheless.

The day I received the news, I was numb, in utter disbelief. By the time I woke up the next morning, life itself felt surreal. As that second day passed, my sadness, raw as it was, brought to the surface my despair at having lost my sister 4 years ago, and my despondency at Prince’s untimely, senseless death. grief welled up inside me and came out in a torrent. I cried for two more days.

I’m grateful that my partner somehow understands me and tethers me when I feel like I’m drifting. There was a moment where I wailed in lament that life is so fragile and I’ve wasted mine. She said…

“You didn’t waste it—I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

That sweet sentence starting my climb from the abyss. I’m good today, but I’ll carry with me an important observation. No, more than an observation, a truth: Life is fragile. Take great care of yourself, and also live each day as if it could be your last. And tell people you love and appreciate them at every opportunity.

Abundance and Gratitude

Fall Still Life

I am, by nature, an emotional person. I cry at television contests (I can’t get through Dancing with the Stars or the Great British Baking Show without tears. Seriously.) I get choked up at family sagas, coming-of-age tales, and most romance stories. My heart is overjoyed when the underdog wins

I’m most emotional at this time of year. Throughout November, I make it a priority to be completely aware of all of the things in my life I’m thankful for: A partner who is my best playmate and who has my back through good years and the rough ones. Friends that love me despite the fact that I’m difficult to love. A job that suits my purpose. Caring and talented doctors. Brilliant and generous coworkers. My lovable dogs. My doll house of a home. Prince. BTS.

I appreciate each and every person who has read my books, signed up for my newsletter, or attended a workshop I’ve given. If you enjoyed them, then I consider you to be a kindred spirit. I’m ever grateful for you.

It hasn’t always been easy. I’ll spare you the details as I’m sure we all have had storms to weather. The point is, I’m grateful for the storms. They brought me here.

From my family to yours, Happy Thanksgiving. May the day bring you peace, joy, and stuffing. Lots of stuffing.

Purpose

Existential dread is that feeling you get when you contemplate your purpose, your reason for existence, only to realize that one day you’ll be gone and at some point after that, you’ll be forgotten. It causes you to wonder what the point of it all is. What is the meaning of life?

It’s a not an uncommon human condition. I have had long moments of dread. It can feel pretty hopeless, and fill you with anxiety and sadness. It’s a place where we may find ourselves after a crisis, or a loss, or emotional trauma of any sort, but it is not a place you want to stay.

So what can you do when this hits you? First and foremost, if these thoughts lead to despair, reach out for professional help. There is no need to suffer.

If you are managing, you can scan the internet or the self-help section of the bookstore or library. You’ll find many suggestions. Here are a few strategies I’ve found effective for me.

Distraction It isn’t always a good idea to ignore the things that bother or upset you. This isn’t the case for existential dread. You should focus on things that give you joy, or entertain you and let go of the rest. Give yourself permission to play. The first time I remember feeling this way happened early on in my marriage. I started to see that nothing was as I thought it to be, even though I’d poured my heart, soul, and my entire being into the relationship. It was a big “what is the point” time in my life. Then I found Prince. He gave me joy, he gave me a group of friends that I have still. He saved me.

Live your values Admittedly, this is not easy when you're experiencing the pain of existence. But it helps to take stock of what’s important to you. Is it family? Service? Charity? Community? Hard work? Faith in a higher power? Identify what is the most important, and dedicate yourself to living it. Let it be your purpose.

Accept that there are things you may never know It’s still hard to talk about this, but my sister died a few years ago. I miss her every day. When she died I realized that I am the last person alive in my immediate family. That truth knocked the wind out of me. Did she know how much I cherished her? Why has she abandoned me? Why is life so painful? Why can’t we live forever? I work every day to accept that while it is human to ask the questions, there aren’t always answers.

Connections There are people who matter to you. It’s easy to forget you matter to them, too. Spend time with those you love, in person or virtually. Bask in the fact that you have touched their lives in a positive way, and let them touch yours.

That may very well be our purpose.

The NaNo Journey

Every year. Every damn year I sign up for National Novel Writing Month. You know—the international movement to write a 50K word novel in the Month of November. Sounds crazy, right? Well, it is.

In a way, it is a competition, but not a traditional one. You’re competing against your work. School. Family. Church. Friends. Bathing. Okay, maybe not bathing. But the point is, your quest for fifty-thousand words is in direct competition with your normal life. It’s not possible to have both. It is also a personal challenge—the proverbial hero’s journey.

In September, you’re in the middle of your ordinary world. you remember Nano is around the corner. But by the end of the month, the pull of the challenge calls to you. (The Call to Adventure) Then your family reminds you how stressed you were last year. You remember the sleepless nights, the pain of digging into your soul and puking up words. You think better of joining the madness. (Refusal of the call)

But soon, you get an email from the Municipal Liaisons. They’re excited that NaNo is almost here. They have advice and plans for gatherings and stickers. They. Have. Stickers. (Meeting the Mentor) So you decide, “Sure! Why not?” You sign on and come up with an idea for your project. (Crossing the Threshold) You begin to gather your friends and fellow writers around you. (Tests, Allies, Enemies) Misery loves company.

Excitement and adrenaline fuel your start. It isn’t easy, but you push through. (Approach). And then you face the dreaded “saggy middle”. Your brain spasms and you can’t think of one more word. Everyone idea you ever had vanishes like a wisp of smoke. But you forge on, writing prayers to the goddesses of stories , asking for them to save you just this once. Documenting your stream of consciousness thoughts about how much you suck as a writer. And then, a glimmer of an idea flickers. With renewed energy, you set the keyboard on fire and just before the stroke of 11:59 on the last day you enter your tome on the NANO site.(The Ordeal)

Despite your exhaustion, you put on the Nano Winner t-shirt you ordered and have a glass (bottle) pof wine. Much celebrating is in order. (The Reward) The next day you take a deep breath, and read your story. Coffee is brewing, and the last of those stale donuts are calling your name. It’s time to edit. (The Road Back)

At the moment, I’m making my Approach. It’s a slow start this time around, but I will persevere. I’ll battle work and cleaning my house. I’ll try not to ignore my friends and family. I’ll remember to bathe. I’ll be the hero of this journey.

A Somewhat Disturbing Survey

A recent article by my website host is somewhat alarming, if not surprising. It reports a survey which looks at the online behavior and interests of Baby Boomers (born 1940-1964), Gen X (1965-1980), Gen Y (aka Millennials (1981-1995) and Gen Z (1996-2012).

The result that caught my eye is that 60% of Gen Z and 62% of Millennials believe how you present yourself online is more important than how you present yourself in person. Nearly 40% of Gen X and 30% of BabyBoomers agree.

And it gets worse.

Over 40% of Gen Z say they are more likely to remember the last website they visited than they are to remember their partner’s birthday. And—get this—40% of Americans say they spend more time browsing websites than having sex in a given week.

What have we become? More importantly, what are we becoming? A society that cares more about virtual reality than reality? A people who prefer to connect from a distance than face-to-face? That’s one possible future. The thought filled me with despair until I read a little further.

Over 90% of Gen Z want to start their own businesses as do 86% of Millennials and 3/4 of Gen X. Wow. That speaks of ambition, resiliency, and initiative, traits sometimes Baby Boomers and the silent generations (pre baby boomers) fail to see in younger generations.

Dare we have hope? We must.

Beyond Pink and Blue

Pink and blue watercolor. Pink, by the way, doesn’t have to be delicate like cotton candy. It is also strong like rose quartz.

Pink and blue watercolor. Pink, by the way, doesn’t have to be delicate like cotton candy. It is also strong like rose quartz.

I encourage engagement in my classes, through questions and answers, big and small group activities, team casework, and individual reflection. I’ve noticed an unfortunate pattern.

Whenever female students answer, there is almost always a disclaimer: “This is probably wrong, but…” “I know this isn’t right, but…” “I don’t know if this fits, but…” and a dozen other versions of the same sentiment. This is particularly crazy-making because my male students never use these phrases.

Not one. Ever.

Right or wrong, the guys plunge ahead, albeit some more confidently than others. If they are indeed incorrect, they either try to argue the point or shrug it off like it’s not a big deal. And they’re right.

It isn’t.

Being wrong isn’t a big deal if you learn from it. Take a shot! We learn from our mistakes. Here’s what’s correct about your answer, and here is where you take a wrong turn. Good effort, your thinking is sound. Here is another way to look at it. I also make sure to thank the students who offer a response because I know that showing up for learning is half the battle.

I think when I give them feedback at midterm, I will remind my expecting-to-be-wrong students that, in fact, they are usually right. I’ll point out to them that the world doesn’t stop rotating (nor is anyone chastised by me or their peers) if what they offer is incorrect. And I’ll tell all of my students that their engagement with me and with the material is valued. I’ll call them great students and strong critical thinkers.

Because, pink or blue, they are.

Movies On Deck

Popcorn!

Popcorn!

There are two sci-fi/fantasy movies coming out in October. I’m really looking forward to them. From what I’ve been able to piece together from several articles, Last Night in Soho is a thriller about a woman who is inexplicably transported to London circa 1960 and lands in the body of a nightclub singer.  Unfortunately, the singers life is not all it seems to be and both lives somehow begin to fall apart. Doesn’t that sound exciting? Time travel, possession, and intrigue? Can’t beat it.

The second movie is a remake of Dune. Based on a 1965 science-fiction novel by Frank Herbert,Dune is on classic hero’s journey to save his family. I admit, when the first movie came out in 1985, I was not impressed. It was overacted and rambling. But this version is bound to be different. Three reasons: Dave Bautista (WWE and Guardian of the Galaxy), Timothée Chalamet (Call Me By Your Name, Hot Summer Nights, and Hot Summer Nights) and Jason Momoa. 

Talk about a visually spectacular movie. 

Dune opens on October 22. Last Night in Soho opens on October 29.  Anyone for popcorn?